Out of the Shadows

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Out of the Shadow Acclaimed film about schizophrenia, mental illness and public healthcare. Click on photo to learn more about her keynotes, workshops and talks. Praise for Out of the Shadow. D, Harvard Medical School. To scratch, however, is to cause pain and intensify the itch. Their secret lives become more real than their public lives. Only Judgement. To complicate matters he has placed himself in so many precarious situations that he lives in constant fear of discovery of his being so untrustworthy.


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The suspicionand paranoia heighten the sense of alienation. When there are no longer friends or family to protect or a job to hold or pretenses to be made - even though some things are valued enough to want to stop - the addiction is at its most destructive and violent point. The addicts world has become totally insulated from real life. No one can know…EVER. Society deplores and abhors sex addicts. They are vermin, they are scum. Any mention of sexual impropriety brings social judgment and ridicule.

They are addicts.

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Many people regret a one night stand, having sex too early, or doing something they know was just plain wrong. That is not sex addiction. Sex addicts are compulsive.

They have triggered something inside them — and they eventually become powerless — they know the only thing that will satisfy them is to act out sexually. They must confess that they have become powerless, their lives are unmanageable. Yet the step works. He would be loved and supported. The response would not the same. They destroy families and can never be trusted. I pray for the day sex addicts can openly seek treatment, and rejoice more publicly in their successes.

Until that day, there will always be a secret world, one that is too shameful to ever reveal, and one that keeps the addiction going. I do not excuse sexual perpetrators. They deserve their punishments, and I weep for their victims. This book is not perfect — it is not for everyone. But this book explains so many things that need to be said and realized that I recommend it for anyone who is suffering themselves or fears that those around them may be suffering from this addiction.

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Oct 03, Evan East rated it it was amazing. I'm not a supporter of the twelve steps program so I cannot fully advocate this book. Having said that, I did gain extremely valuable and urgent new understanding regarding sex and romantic relations. I was able to recognize in my own core beliefs some damaging ideas: - "No one would love me as I am. I thought that if people want a relationsh I'm not a supporter of the twelve steps program so I cannot fully advocate this book. I thought that if people want a relationship is because they want something out of me not because they care for me.

I also recognized that in my last romantic relationship I had this feeling that if everything in my life was not alright or figured out I was not worthy of love. I also felt I had to pretend that everything in the relationship was alright when it was not. When the relationship ended, I had tremendous difficulty learning to move on because I felt undesirable and didn't think it was possible for me to get another boyfriend to care for me. It was also difficult to let him go because I felt responsible that my ex was having casual and potentially dangerous sex after the break up.

It was only after reading the book that I realized I was suffering from inadequacy and grandiosity. I used to feel inadequate sexually, physically, emotionally, and professionally inadequate so I felt responsible for my ex's actions grandiosity.

17 customer reviews

For example, "if only I had been wiser, fully comfortable with my sexuality, and more attractive, then he would not have left me" or, "if only I had been nicer and had been hurt him, then he would not be engaging in risky sexual behavior. I was concentrated on him as a distraction from my loneliness, pain, unresolved childhood trauma, and unsatisfying present reality.

I think the most valuable lesson I got from this book is threefold. First, I'm only responsible for myself. I'm not responsible for my ex's decisions. Second, I can focus my energy on developing my own sexuality as opposed to being obsessed with the sexuality of a boyfriend or former boyfriend. Third, I have childhood and teenage wounds that I need to heal. View 1 comment. Dec 14, Candace rated it liked it. Carnes presents examples of previous clients he has provided therapy to in order to show the thoughts and beliefs of those who are "sex addicts.


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He presents pedophiliacs, paraphiliacs, etc. He includes a chapter on the 12 Step Model based on Alcoholics Anonymous as a form of treatment for sex addicts. Again, there is Carnes presents examples of previous clients he has provided therapy to in order to show the thoughts and beliefs of those who are "sex addicts.

Again, there is very little evidence to back up his argument. He makes no mention of anti-social personality disorders, and how those diagnosed with it may not have committed their crimes for the same reasons as one who is "addicted to sex. Overall, I had trouble accepting much of what he said due to my own experience working with sex offenders but he did make interesting points and provide another viewpoint.

Shelves: non-fiction , counseling , psychology. SA counsels those with alcohol and substance abuse addiction; sexual addiction as well as other addictions can co-occur along side substance abuse and clients can have multiple addictions. I thought the stories in this book were interesting to read and it really gives you a glimpse of the addicts' struggle. It does a good job explaining what the addicts go through, their thoughts and emotions. The only thing I would have liked this book to include was research and statistics on the addiction and perhaps a proposed method of treatment outside of just joining a 12 step program.

Apr 25, Lance rated it it was amazing. At the age of 41 I was newly sober and for the first time in my life facing my demons with a relatively clear mind. One of those demons was sexual abuse and the sexual acting out engendered by it. Carnes book is the bible on sexual addiction. I have been an alcohol and drug counselor since '95, and this book has proved valuable to many of my clients who are ready to read it.

Apr 03, Andrew Brockelman rated it it was amazing. The most candid and specific book on this topic I've read yet not that I've read that many, but still He spares no one when he gives the reader insight on specifically how this addiction affects different areas of one's life. Extremely interesting, but, very uncomfortable to read.

I didn't really read this book. Browsed is more like it. It seems to be a bit outdated Still, plenty of good stuff about sex addiction.


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  4. Not much about female sex addiction, though. I suspect there's plenty more info out and about now.

    offer.archidelivery.ru/images/android/app-per-spiare-gli-accessi-di-whatsapp.php He does mention AA and Alanon as I recall. Maybe I'll get back to it in the future. So now I'm bro I didn't really read this book. So now I'm browsing the updated version, which is about ten years more recent.

    Praise for Out of the Shadow

    The difference shows as sex-addiction has come out of the shadows to assume its proper place along side alcohol, drugs and food as one of the four horsemen of the compulsion apocalypse! Then there's all the "minor" ones! Now I'm slowing down and reading closer as it gets more compelling for me. The next chapter will be about twelve-step recovery.

    He pretty much waits 'til he's laid out the problem s to get to the steps. Finished last night after finishing "The Martian". We're affected either directly because we have it me or we're more indirectly affected by being or having been in a relationship with a or multiple sex addict s me again. As with the other big three food, alcohol and drugs sex addiction has its own special challenges.

    The author does pretty well in exploring both these challenges and the options for recovery.